The Goddess Chronicles

Being Authentic - my inventory and testamony

2012-01-25T07:36:00.000-08:00

I always take time to do personal inventory. I'm a big fan of manifestation and creation.It's very important to realise that our outside environment is a manifestation of our inner belief system. So I honestly look at my environment. My home, myself, kids, boyfriend, friends, work......So I start out asking myself... what goals have I reached, what ones are I in the midst of working towards, and what would I like to change right now and what can I give myself a pat on the back for. Well in the past year or so I have had awesome inventory sessions.

This one, I began thinking about all this talk about truth and being your authentic self and love and REALLY....what does that really mean...and how can you truly preach that? Self love inventory quiz from "the quantum you"

Well, what I came up with is an honest inventory of myself. If I want to be an example of authenticity to others, am I really authentic? Do I stand for what I preach? Can I back up what I say by concrete proof and by being a living example of what I want to stand for? What legacy do I want to leave for my children, and do I lead them by example?

To my surprise and great delight, with much self pride I had to answer for the most part yes. For a long time I have struggled and worked on myself. I made goals since I was 20 and have worked hard for them. These weren't material goals. These are self goals. Mental and spiritual goals. I have had to heal, strip off, re program , and force myself to do and act in ways that were so uncomfortable to acquire new patterns in thinking, to shift myself into who I am today.

Being authentic isn't always pretty. It's not always glamorous and it's raw. It's hard to be authentic. We often think we're being authentic, but because of our subconscious coping structure and makeup, we often don't realise that we're not. Being authentic is about YOU. It's not about our partner, blaming our behavour, lifestyle or choices on others. It's all about YOU. What you are, what you stand for and the non verbal energetic message you are portraying at this moment now.

     So here it is...my inventory. I love my home. My environment means a lot to me so I am very proud of my home. I love my neighbourhood. I love nature and it's in the forest with lots of critters around. It reflects who I am and what I'm about. Four years ago I made a decision to leave my old life. I had to let go of the old. That was very scary and difficult. It's always hard to jump into the unknown. But I did it! And I love my new life. It's better and happier than the old one.

Do I surround myself with people who love me for who I am? Do my relationships respect me as a person? My wants, needs, dreams, and goals? My answer is finally a yes. This is such a huge thing for me because I have always been in unhealthy relationships, wishing they weren't. What I have finally achieved is the outward manifestation of my inner beliefs which are happy and healthy. If you have a partner who constantly makes you unhappy, cheats on you, lies, or you want them to be someone else. You're not being authentic. You're lying to yourself and others. If you take time to heal the things and issues that prevent you from truly loving yourself, then you will start attracting people who do the same. I am very happy that my relationships reflect the way I treat myself. With love and respect, acceptance and humility, embracing both the good and bad traits that make you anindividual .

     Next, my health. Well that's a fun one!! I feel like a kid...really. But my body, that's another storey. I genetically have inherited loads of fun stuff. Depression, high blood pressure and some disorder that makes your extremities numb at random. I'm a bucket of fun!! I'm not a denial person, I've always taken responsibility for my health in every way. When things have gone very wrong it was because I listened to others and doubted my own intuition about what I needed. Not no more! I think that God has put all the help here on earth for us to utilise. Everything in balance. We are spiritual, physical, and mental beings. We need to care for all three of these areas in balance. When one is off, the others go out. I take responsibility for my health.  To live my best life at the moment, I have to be on medication for my depression and blood pressure. If not it's dangerous and disfunctional. That's reality and I'm good with it. I exercise, I meditate, I journal, I do energy work, and I make sure my meds are doing what they're supposed to. I've had to change the way I eat, drink, think, tweak the way I deal with stress, and who I share my life with. As I change, my body is changing. I can't put chemicals in my body. They make me sick. I have to eat cleaner, limit my alcohol consumption and be conscious of my environment. It's a pain sometimes but it's all part of the path I've chosen.

     I'm very proud of myself because I'm pro-active. I teach my children that no matter what you're thrown you're ok and you can get through. My daughter has a learning disability. She's gone from defiant behavioural issue to self assured, confident leader taking regular classes. She's pro active. My son has gone from depressed self destructive bully to a polite, more outgoing happy self assured little boy. Mind you we're still growing, still changing, still overcoming obstacles that come up every day. Life skills, positive coping, self awareness, love and acceptance is our family motto. I get down about my health sometimes but then it gives me the opportunity to look at what I'm blessed with. It gives me the opportunity to be human and share the same support with others in the same boat. I know lots of woman who are going through health issues like mine and have been through the same changes. They give me strength, and I give them strength. I'm blessed with the ladies in my boat.

      My most beloved...my kids. As long as we learn from them, that's what counts. I really enjoy being me and share that with my children. In turn, my kids are comfortable with themselves. They both have learning issues and were abandoned by their father. I'm sure that the abandonment will always be a painful spot with them, but they have learned to overcome their depression and self doubt through the faith I have in them. I've always been there, no matter what. I love them no matter what, and I think they are awesome no matter what. I've taught them to love themselves no matter what and that being different is a blessing and that will make them successful. They also know that outside help is always available and it's a source of strength. Knowledge is power. Fear and denial leads to shame. They are awesome no matter what difficulties they have and to always be proud of yourself, even though you make mistakes. My children are flying! I'm very proud of them. They are good beautiful kids and I've done a great job as a mom!

Children learn from example. If we are uncomfortable with our self, judge our self harshly, or immerse them in a relationship full of conflict or chemical use, they will grow up to mirroring what they learned. So when you find your children lying, acting out, or angry all the time, or not wanting to be at home, it's usually a by-product of their environment. We need to take their behaviour as a message that we need to change our self or the message we are communicating in our environment or behaviour.

     Being authentic is exactly just that. Being honest. Are you a drinker and smoker preaching healthy living? Are you in a turbulent relationship and not happy but saying you are with your soul mate? Are you preaching one thing but judging others and being abusive or controlling behind closed doors? Are you busy either in denial or covering up our yuck that you don't realise your real impact on others? We all have been in that place. Change is uncomfortable, it's hard, it takes effort and often times we need to lose a lot before we get where we need to be. I did it. I'm still doing it. I evolve every day. I learn every day. I lose and gain every day. I love it!

Self love involves so much. It means being ok with who you truly are. We are all a ball of negative and positive wrapped in one. I'm truly ok with the mistakes I've made in life. They're mine and I own them. I am definitely not perfect and I'm really good with that. I have a lot of good qualities also and I'm good with that too. I have no problem being my authentic self. If others don't like it...oh well!! I am human and really enjoying it...most of the time. I'm not afraid to share my mistakes, my low points in life and bad decisions I've made. Through them I am who I am today. When I pretend to be someone who I'm not, it gives off a conflicting energy to others, it tells me that I'm not being authentic. Being ok with myself helps others be ok with there own human selves and lets them know that they are ok. I love my life and those in it. I have abundance in every way. I turn my deficits into opportunities for growth and to help others coping with the same issues. My children are fabulous and teach me how to be the best person I can be. Always be a witness of truth. That's when you truly touch others is when you are being authentic.

If People Knew You

2012-01-25T05:57:00.000-08:00

If People Knew You
People don't really know you.
If they knew you
they'd understand you,
they wouldn't judge you
they wouldn't turn their backs
and walk away;
they'd stop saying those words,
those harsh
and hurtful words
because they'd know the pain it would cost you,
they'd know how long and hard
your healing would be,
and how long you'd close your heart
for fear of letting in the people you can no longer trust.
If people knew you,
if they really knew you,
they'd love you,
they'd find a way
to know
how to really really love.

I TAKE OFF THE MASK, San Diego, Caloocan, Metro Manila 1400, <>I recieved this poem from one of my newsletters I get. I really enjoyed it and decided to share it!
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From Sausage to Sexy...

2012-01-20T15:52:00.000-08:00

     Ok, so I've made a super commitment to myself to do more clean eating and work out at least 3 times a week. It seems that I've been a bit commitment phobic with this. BUT...I'm on my way! I 've gone to the gym twice this week and feel fantastic, and I've acquired an eating clean magazine and have made 2 of the recipes in it and we all like it. I do love eating healthy. I've never eaten bad but I just like food too much. lol! So switching up some of the ingredients to make healthy veg dishes is no big deal at my house, it's just getting back into good habits.

      So here's me at the gym. You have to understand that the reason why I've gained almost 17 pounds over the past year and a half is because I have acquired high blood pressure that shoots up to the stars at random. Thanks mom!! lol! So I haven't been able to exercise and the medication I'm on makes me feel yucky sometimes, so I just don't want to work out. So, even though I'm very comfortable with myself and really like my new found huge boobs, I felt better when I was thinner and had more energy. So I've set out to find my old body and fit into my old hot clothes.

     Well, I get to the gym and start out on the treadmill. I always love being in motion. I manifest and balance my energy on the treadmill. I love it! After about 10 min I'm just flying. But of course this time I decided to check the heart monitor which I never do because I just don't want to know. It was past the fat burner, past the cardio, up so high I was hoping it meant I was at the super fat fry mode. I think it was the "do you have your defib near by" mode so I slowed down and decided to do the weights. I love strength training. I used to be in super six pack shape before my blood pressure fiasco. My workout was a huge success and I left the gym feeling like I conquered the world. Yay!

The Slut Walk Protest

2011-11-07T15:06:00.000-08:00

    Last Saturday, I took my daughter on the Slut Walk. The SlutWalk protest marches began on April 3, 2011,^[1] in Toronto, Canada, and became a movement of rallies across the world.^[2] Participants protest against explaining or excusing rape by referring to any aspect of a woman's appearance.^[3] The rallies began when Constable Michael Sanguinetti, a Toronto Police officer, suggested that to remain safe, "women should avoid dressing like sluts."^[4]^[5] The protest takes the form of a march, mainly by young women, where some dress in ordinary clothing and others dress provocatively, like "sluts." There are also speaker meetings and workshops.^[6]

    Now, I have to say that I understand the purpose of this rally but I don't totally agree with the way these women are going about it. I believe that anyone has the freedom and right to express themselves and their sexuality any way they want. I also believe that women should celebrate and enjoy their femininity and express it in their outer appearance when appropriate and safe. I also strongly believe that how you dress is not linked in any way to most sexual abuse and being a victim of rape or any other form of harassment and violence. Most victims are children and people who aren't dressed provocatively at all and are in situations that are beyond their control. There are a large number of male victims who of course arn't dressed like "sluts" and aren't refered to as such. I absolutely hate the word slut and if it wasn't because of the underlying message of the rally, I wouldn't have walked it just because of the negative name.

     In my family, sexual abuse runs back several generations, along with physical and substance abuse. Growing up in my family was not always fun. Both my parents were not sexually abusive, but were both victims who projected their shame on both me and my younger brother. With the abusive and oppressive environment of shame based parents, along with an alcoholic mother and rediculous religious rules, I have been a victim from day one. As children we are forced to live in these environments. We can't use our voice to protest, or leave if we want, we adapt to survive. These survival techniques work growing up, but as adults we become adult children of alcoholics, or sexual, physical and emotional abuse survivours, and tend to repeat patterns of abuse, co-dependency, and other shame based behaviours. We subconsciously put ourselves in victim situations such as abusive relationships, bad situations, or let others use us. Or we develop substance abuse problems to block out pain, or live a sexually self-exploiting lifestyle or career. Many repeat the pattern they learned and become abusers themselves, or marry partners that abuse them and their children.

     As an adult child survivor of many things, I have made many mistakes in my lifetime, but I have also been pro-active with my healing process. Since my early 20's I have been involved in extensive inner child work and cognitive restructuring to change negative thinking and patterns that were the result of my abusive childhood environment. In my 30's I have integrated spiritual and holistic healing in my process that has helped me to reach a full balance in my recovery. I have always worked hard and have been dedicated to personal growth. It has been a long and sometimes difficult and painful path. I have not always made the best choices and I have made many mistakes. But through all the ups and downs, I have aquired a lot of wisdom and strength, and I have had the privilege to help and inspire people along the way. I have also broke the pattern of abuse in my family and I'm very proud to raise my children in an abuse free home environment.

     Now back to the Slut Walk. I love wearing glam-sexy clothing. I just love fashion and it shows with my huge 12ft closet and large array of shoes. I love to dress sexy and wear sexy shoes in my spare time. I don't care what people think, and I really enjoy looking nice and feeling good about myself and my appearance. Here's the thing...there is a time and place for everything, and there is a level of self respect that goes along with being a woman of power.

    As a powerful and sexy woman, I believe in respect and responsibility. In our male chauvinistic, and sexually charged society that views women as sex objects I believe that our idea of sexy comes from men, and the reason we dress sexy is mostly to get the attention of men, and turn them on sexually. If we intentionally dress in a provocative and skimpy way and our intent is to grab the attention of men and tease them visually, there is nothing wrong with that, but with all the choices we make in life, there are consequences. When we dress sexual, and act sexual, then complain that we are getting sexually explicit comments or attention, we are giving away mixed messages. Real power starts with ourselves and being responsible for our behaviour, and the environment we find ourselves in. If we want sexual attention, then great! You got it and enjoy it! But if we don't, then we should re-evaluate the message we are giving others. If we over indulge in alcohol or drugs and then loose control of yourself and our safety, and have not set up safety nets like good friends or a ride to pick us up or take us home safely, then of course you could find yourself in a vulnerable situation where we are vicimized. This does not give anyone the right to abuse or violate anyone, but given the state of the world and people's values today, we have to be careful and aware of our choices, and environment.

     As a mother, I teach my daughter to love herself and be comfortable with her feminine self. We talk openly in our house about everything, and I try not to attach shame to any personal issue when it comes to anything in life. I have also taught my daughter that your outer appearance is an extension of your inner self. You should always have pride in your appearance, as with your self. The way you present yourself tells others a storey about you. It tells them your boundaries, your level of confidence and self worth, and how personable you are. You do not wear dirty or smelly clothes or pyjamas in public. You have self respect and pride and dress the part. Dressing appropriate is important. Just like you wouldn't wear a bathing suit to a business meeting, you don't wear skimpy sexy clothes to school. Letting others view your "goods" just because is demeaning and too easy. I teach my daughter that she's worth more than that.

     The same goes with myself. I always dress nice and often with a sexy flair, but never out of line with what I'm doing at the time.   I love to wear sexy clothes, lingerie, and big stilettos. I'm very outgoing and friendly, open minded, and men love me and my good sense of humour. I'm definately not a slut. I never get myself in a dangerous situation. Men love the way I look and the way I'm flirty but they never get the message that I'm easily available or even that I'm available at all.  I'm very picky with the type of men I like and for the most part I think most of them are not to bright or attractive. Sorry. I'm also very cautious because of the large amount of sexually transmitted diseases out there and people tend to be dishonest with a multitude of things that takes time to get to know about someone.

     The point is that just because you might "hope" or want to be with someone doesn't give anyone the right to force their will upon you. Everyone has the right to change their mind and refuse sex no matter what the situation. Everyone has the right to make a mistake or a bad choice. What we as women need to do is not be afraid to do that in any situation. If we find ourself being a victim, we need to speak out. We need to get help and report the crime that has been done to us. Silence is not an option.

     So that is why I brought my daughter on this walk. It's about awareness and taking away the stigma and shame that society and religion has put on women and sex. It's about me being proud of my inner strength and courage overcoming the obsacles I had to hurtle to make my life a happy and healthy one. When we heal ourselves, we help heal others. When we embrace our inner strength, we encourage others to do the same. When we ruffle feathers and speak out, that's when things start to change. Silence is detremantal to our evolution as people and as a society.

Below is the link to the wikipedia page on the Slut Walk.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SlutWalk

Power of the full moon

2011-10-11T09:59:00.000-07:00

     We are in the midst of a full moon, which is exciting to me because the last few manifesting or meditation sessions that I have had on these nights have completely come to fruition. The energy of the moon seems to totally super energize your magnetic abilities to manifest your desires quickly.

     This full moon I plan on cleansing and grounding myself which you should do regularly anyway) and letting go of toxic people and lazy thinking. I'm going to let go of the extra 10 pounds that I've been carrying around since my high blood pressure scare, along with the complacent attitude I've had about my physical fitness and eating habbits.

     I know that letting these things go will be uncomfortable at first but letting go of the old must be done to replace that space with new positive and pro active thinking, habbits, and people.

     Last full moon ritual I did brought out the true colors of someone that I was wondering about for a while. Losing a friend or feeling betrayed is always hard, but already I have enjoyed a more peaceful feeling in my aura and have enjoyed so many fun times and momonts with friends and family who are truly my friends. I also let go of the pain and loneliness that the death of my best friend left in my heart. With that request came some work on letting go and also some decisions I had to make about my health medically. Since these issues were put in my path to heal, I have turned my grief into celebration and thanks for the blessings and people I enjoy in my life, and the great memories my freind has left me with.

     I have attatched a link that fully explains how to do your own full moon ritual. It doesn't have to be perfect and always act from your heart. Remember, whatever happens will always be in your own best interest, whether we see it at the time or not. God bless!!

Full Moon Ritual from About.com

MY INNER GODDESS

Gratitude....thank you Laura

2011-10-04T11:46:00.000-07:00

     On Friday May 13th, I lost a very close friend of mine. It has been very difficult because from the moment she left, there has been a big void left in my heart. We did so many things together from taking turns hosting our single mom dinners, to going out and cutting loose, to our deep spiritual talks we would always have.

     I am so very grateful for the privilege of having her in my life, even though it wasn't nearly long enough. Laura was always a good listener, and was always a loving shoulder to cry on when I was going through hard times. Her words of encouragement come straight from the heart.

     Laura also taught me a lot about myself and others. She was very patient and accepting. She loved people as they were, and had little judgement. She loved to have fun and always took every opportunity to enjoy herself. She was also very forgiving, sometimes I thought too forgiving, but I love her for that.

     Laura saw people for who they were, not what they looked like on the outside. She was ok with her own disabilities and limitations and never let them hold her back or make her bitter. She was a great mentor for me and has enriched my life on every level. Because of our friendship, I not only have met great new friends, but also a great man who is an important part of my life.

     I cherish the time I had with her and will always hold on to the memories that we created. Thank you so much for crossing my path and blessing me with your friendship. You will always be in my heart. You truly left a legacy of love, inner strength and perseverance.

Blame and Jealousy

2011-10-04T10:37:00.000-07:00

          Jealousy is a secondary emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of presenting emotions such as anger, sadness, resentment and disgust. It is not to be confused with envy. This definition is brought to you by Wikipedia.

     Being human, we are all subject to feelings of jealousy here and there, but my quest today is to help us to break free of the damaging effects this can have on our well being as well as others. When we are consumed with comparing ourselves to others, whether is is materially, emotionally, or sexually, it constantly reinforces feelings of inadequacy and lack within ourselves. The anger and resentment that stir within us causes stress which lowers your immune system, over works our cardio vascular system and produces chemicals in our body that cause damage and weight gain.

     Lets discuss the topic of lack. When we look externally and want to be like others or envy what others have or how they are we produce an overtone of lack within ourselves. We are constantly disatisfied with our life, our partner, our job, our friends. Nothing is good enough and we want it like so and so has it. This is very self destructive thinking that only produces more of the same. And also gives others and "in" to our disatisfied, ugly self. Everyone wants that beautiful house, the high paying job, and the hot sexy spouse, but having a jealous, envious attitude will never bring you more than a bigger pit of emtiness to fill. Take the oportunity to stop and think about what you want. do you think that these things will make you eternally happy in life? The truth is these things might make life more enjoyable but you will never be truly happy until you accept yourself and love yourself for who you are. Flaws and all. Only then you will be able to be truly happy and will really enjoy all the blessings in our life. Big and small.

     Women are famous for being jealous, then they lash out in hate and fear to remove the "treat" to themself and their happiness. I've always found this very demeaning and destructive. As women we strive for success, freedom of expression, and acceptance, but the moment that someone achieves that we find fault, tear them down and label them as a bitch or slut. Very hypocritical if you ask me.
What is also sad is that the target of one's jealousy and hate usually is unaware of the effect they are having on that person. They are just busy living their own life and doing the best to be themself.
     When we get those twinges of jealousy, step back and peel away the layers of emotion to find the hidden reason for our feelings. Doing this takes practice and humility for none of us like to look at ourselves honestly. Exposing our inadequacies to ourselves is hard but an important part of owning our lives, embracing and excepting ourselves, and opening the creative door to evolve .

     Does someones free spiritedness bring out the judgemental prude in you? Step back and look at yourself. Do you have conditioned hangups from childhood? Do you feel self conscious and have inner shame issues that need to be addressed? Use this emotional triggers to uncover your issues and heal and love yourself instead of judging and blaming others for your feelings of jealousy.

      How about the way someone expresses themselves sexually? Do you disapprove of the way they dress or act?  Does someone seem too comfortable with themself or just too flirty?  Is there sexual preference causing you to feel funny? Maybe you're comparing your partner to someone else's , which opens a whole other topic of discussion on misplaced fantasy and dillusion. Many of us have lack issues when it comes to our sexualily. Most religions paint sex as being bad and therefore we have that "taboo" thinking engrained in our subconscious. We are sexual beings, and being proud to be a woman includes embacing your powerful sexual feminine side. If our jealousy is being triggered by someone elses sexuality maybe you need to explore your hang ups or scale of judgement. Usually what bothers you about someone else is a message to yourself that you need to heal that aspect of yourself.

     Did someone get that awesome promotion and you are just seething with disapproval and envy? Tear back the emotional veil and see why. Does their success make you feel inadequate? Mabe if you dealt with some self esteem issues you would have the confidence to be a go getter. Or be more resorcefull with your spending so you can afford to school and upgrade or re-qualify yourself for a better position.

     Accepting the way that others express themselves and celebrating diversity gives us the freedom to grow and evolve as a society and within ourselves. We consciously break free from the limiting bonds of oppression that have been put upon us until now. Supporting one another despite our differences in carreers, fashion tastes, lifestyles and preferences, makes life interesting and colourful. It empowers us to accept ourselves, flaws and all and celebrate our human existance.   When we become a slave to jealousy and anger or revenge, it inhibits our ability for clear thinking, clouds our aura, and prevents us from having healthy relationships with others.

     This is a very important and powerful time in human existance. Now is the time to open our hearts with love and embrace our strength inside ourself and others. We are all unique and special. Embracing and expressing our individual style and way of life brings fun and spice to our existance. Appreciate your unique style and always appreciate what you have and where you are at in life. We are all on different paths and learning different things in life. No one path is right or wrong. Only your perception makes it that way.

     Let's all promote femine evolution and stand by and support each other through our triumphs and heartbreaks.  Take responsibility to make your world a loving respectful place and in turn share that philosophy with others.

Why so bitchy!!??

2011-07-29T07:04:00.000-07:00

     Today I'm going to talk about that man/woman in the mirror, you know, that person you think you know but only is really visible to those observing you. This person is yourself.
     I think, more often than not, we function subconsciously. What that means is that we react and behave in ways that we are unaware of. Every experience we encounter from birth molds our belief system and whether it's a good experience or bad one shapes our perception of people, relationships, and the world around us. Patterns and behaviours that we have acquired from our family dynamics shape the way we react and form relationships in our present lives. We tend to repeat history, or replay our issues, until addressed and healed by none other than ourselves. Until then, we often float around wondering why we are always in conflict with others, or why the men we date are losers, or why we are picked on by others.
     One way to become conscious of this is to take a step back and become an observer of ourselves. It takes practice, but once you get good at it, you'll see yourself, and others in a completely different light.
     One thing that people do is complain a lot....about everything, and everyone. If we stop, get real, and replay our bitch session back to yourself pretending we are observing yourself, we start to see yourself as others do. You have to be non biased, and be open to seeing the good and bad...and probably some ugly. This is such a fantastic way to really get in touch with yourself and see how you impact others. This is also a great way to open the doors of healing and love to yourself and others. Usually what bothers us in others is something that needs to be looked at with ourselves. Let me explain further.
     You find yourself bitching about drama and conflict in your life. You're always in the office, no one pulls their weight or does things right except you. You make it a point to express all your "pointers" out load to everyone because you're just not putting up with anything. You don't understand why no one "gets it". If you step back and really take a look at yourself, kind of like an out of body experience, you would probably get a few ugly reality checks. You would probably find that being picky and aggressive gives off a very negative vibe to people, and that the people around you would probably not want to be but have to in a work environment. This causes people to back off or avoid you, probably what you interpret as "slacking". When we put out that kind of energy it agitates others causing them to strike back when they had enough. Thus causing the drama you always complain about.
     Another common problem is being victimized. Are random "bad " things always happening to us? Is there always some crazy situation that always seems to come up and you always end up burnt, or hurt? Step back and take a good look. Get quiet and tap into your feelings. When you are going through one of these situations what past issues come up? Do you have unresolved lack issues from childhood, whether it was lack of love, food, money, or guidance? If you embrace your life as your own crystal ball, you will be able to stop these situations from happening and finally feel peaceful and free from those who take advantage of you or stomp on your emotions. Take the time to fill yourself with love, heal, and attract people that reinforce your new confident and loving attitude towards yourself.
     Realizing harsh truths about ourselves by observation are a gift. They provide awareness so we can turn things around for ourselves. Maybe our life is in a bad place at the moment and we feel out of control. Maybe we are angry and hurt because of a loss of some sort, or have been betrayed by someone.  We tend to project our real self onto others subconsciously without realizing it. When we find our selves complaining about someone or something, stop and step back. Detach from the situation and pretend you are an objective observer. Striking out and hurting others is usually a sign that we need to heal some hurt within us. Picking at little things and wanting control usually means that at one time in our life we gave our control to someone and are acting out externally to gain that control back instead of finding the roots of our lack of control. If we are overly critical, maybe we need to stop our internal negative dialogue about yourself.
     When we embrace our flaws and mistakes, this is an open door to healing ourselves and becoming a whole person. When we love our self for who we are and where we are at, we will become more accepting of others and why people do what they do. Everyone is at a different place and is walking a different path. We all come with our good points and negative traits and we all have a different purpose. Stepping back and being an observer will help you to see things as they really are. What people say and how they act is a reflection of themselves. And likewise, how you treat others and react to those around you is a direct mirror reflection of your perception of life and personal belief system. Everything that happens in your day, the people we interact with, the situations we encounter and the new things we learn, is your higher self giving you the opportunity to learn and evolve into the best person you can be.
     Always be thankful for the good times and also the bad ones. When we embrace our truth and are accepting and loving with the truth of others, it makes life much simpler and always gives us the opportunity become our higher self, and helps others do the same.
     I have added a link to a book that I enjoyed on this topic and also gives meditations and more detail on becoming an observer and living our life from a place of consciousness.
     Healing into consciousness --a great web site

Being Real

2011-07-26T14:51:00.000-07:00

     This past Saturday, my wonderful friend and her husband invited me and my other wonderful friend over for what she called "Sexy Saturday". This is something that her and her husband have been doing for a while, and I think it's fantastic! Here's a little background. My friends are part time nudists, which contrary to what people think there is nothing sexual about being a nudist. It's all about being comfortable in your own skin, which most people aren't. Being in a self accepting environment rubs off on you, causing you to be loving and accepting of yourself, for no one is perfect and we all have our good points and flaws. When we are around others that are comfortable in their own skin, and accept us as we are, it's very healing.
     So now that you know where I got the inspiration for my blog today, let me begin.   My girlfriend is a nifty soul, and we always encourage each other to do new things that express who we are and to discover our true self. So of course when she gave me the invite I was all over that! And of course bring some sexy shoes...no asking me twice!

     The intent behind a sexy Saturday is to celebrate beauty, inside and out, by accepting yourself and others as you are. As for the shoes, those are just an accessory to enhance our celebration of our inner goddess, and of course she is always sexy and of course has hot shoes. lol! For me right now that's a biggy, since I put on some extra weight last winter due to some health issues. For the first time in years I was not feeling comfortable with "taking it off" especially in front of others who actually looked good with nothing on. Ick! I brought some extra hot shoes hoping they would distract everyone from my new found muffin top.

     Our society focuses so much on outer beauty, and fits it into such a tight mold, that the majority of people on this planet measured to comercial media standards would probably be considered ugly. This type of conditioning has such a negative impact on our self worth. When we read magazines, watch TV, and feed into the mass consciousness of "lack" of beauty, we create a negative mental image of ourselves and others that we pass on to those around us, including our children. We repeat thoughts in our head like "I'm too fat", "I need to lose wieght", "My boobs are too small" or "No one will ever date me looking like this".  This type of thinking is a crazy negative trap. The thoughts that we play in our head, along with all the other things we think about, resignate at a certain energy vibration. As we play those negative self image tapes, we create what is called at thought form. This cloud of energy is what we carry around with us all the time, part of our aura. Not only can others pick up on this but it affects others around us. It also draws to us more of the same...like a magnet. the thought pattern and vibration we radiate, we attract back to us. Basic law of the universe.

     Do you ever wonder why you are always in a state of trying to lose weight, or you are constantly meeting people on the dating scene that don't find you attractive, or constantly broke? Those "I need to lose weight" thoughts draw more of that to you. You constantly are trying to lose weight and can't seem to get it off no matter what diet you follow. The "I'm not good looking enough" tape plays that way also. We repeat patterns of rejection in our life that constanly repeats itself, reinforcing our negative belief system, which turns into a constant depressing cycle.

     One valuable thing that my nifty girlfriend taught me is to play a game with my thoughts. As soon as we hear the "I look fat" tape playing, we turn it off and replace it with the "I'm beautiful" tape. At first it seems goofy, tiring, and takes a lot of effort, and offten feels uncomfortable, but the more you practice flipping your thoughts around, the easier it gets. Turning it into a game to play with yourself makes it a little easier also.

     You will find that as you talk to yourself in a positive manner, your body will follow. You will begin to chose better foods, your body will start to like to excersisie, and you will actually begin to be happy and accept yourself where you are at. When we love ourselfves right now at this moment, it brings more of that to us, thus creating a positive cycle, and conquoring the negative one.

     One thing that works for me is visualization. Our minds are very powerful, and we can alway heal and reprogram our aquired thought pattern, no matter what created it, from childhood trauma or abuse, to present day dramas that scar our perception of things. When we add visualization to our affirmations, we give our brain something to grasp on to, since it processes things in a symbolic way. Pick symbols that are meaningful to you but simple. For instance love can be a heart, money a dollar sign, you get it. Visualize ourselves the way you want to be when you reach our goal. Be realistic, but don't cut yourself short. Always picture yourself as the best person you can posibly want to be...nothing is too crazy, in fact the more elaborate the better.

     Here is an example of how I use this tequnique. I like nature and I like to walk. When I go walking for excersise, I always do lots of positive talk and visualization. So this is my inner dialogue, or a sample lets say, it depends on what I am trying to manifest in my lifeat the time.

"I am a beautiful, healthy woman"
"My body metabolizes my food perfect to my body"
"I am a loving person, and atract those that love me"
"I am the perfect weight for my body frame"
"People find me attractive and charismatic"

     Well I think you get it. Some might think that type of thinking is concieted or ego orientated. In society we are taught a faulse humility, which in turn causes us to play down and diminish the things we should be proud of and share with others. This is a tequnique we do for ourselves, and is not used to make us feel better than others, or as an aid to compare or put others down. To cultivate a new sence of self, we need to start inside. Only then will it radiate out for the world to see and benifit from. What we think, we project on others. When we practice self evolution tequniques like this we become our best self, and by example we give others permission to do the same.

     So do you brave enough to have your own sexy saturday? Remember, fake it till you make it, or in simpler words...what you think is what you will become. So put on those stilletos, and be that sexy, confident woman you already are. It's all about love and acceptance of yourself and others.

Being aware to recieve answers

2011-06-24T09:03:00.000-07:00

     Lately I have had a lot of time to myself and I must say, it has been interesting! Something that I have taught myself to do and am finally having fun with it, is noticing the synchronicity or God's voice in my daily life.
     I've been really stuck the past few months with what to do career wise. I like my present job but I really need a change and know I have lots of options, but don't know which one to take. Being a Libra (or maybe it's just being a woman lol) I over think my options, is it the right choice, will I make enough money, what will people think, will I be able to handle the work load? Yep, analyzation to paralization. lol
      If you're like me , you plan your day jamming it full of everything you need to do. Before I go to bed I already have a list of stuff, whether housework, me time, or work, I have it all planned out in my head. I functioned like that for a very long time. Let's face it, if I don't set my mind to to the necessary things I
don't really like doing, I'll find something more enjoyable but less productive to do. This week I have really decided to let go of my routine, I have done this before, and after reflecting at the end of the day, I was really happy with what I had accomplished and always accomplished more of what I was really "supposed" to do.

As a person who truly believes in the power of self creation and evolution, I always pray, meditate, and focus on my spiritual path. I have always been like that since I was a child, but as an adult I have really learnt how to work it. So when I ask for ideas, solutions, and answers, they just don't always come to me like a text from god, or a big all-knowing moment. As I let go of my rigid schedule, I open myself up to messages around me. Maybe instead of going to the grocery store, I have the feeling that I would like to go out for a coffee first and then get groceries. It just so happens that at the coffee shop I run into this great person in line who notices my holistic necklace then proceeds to tell me they are an Internet marketing specialist. Wow, just what I was asking for! No coincidence, when we let go of controlling our day, we let our higher self guide us to where we need to go. Or for instance, at work I get pulled to another area and at that moment I'm hating going there, but lo and behold, I'm now working with someone that doesn't realize it, but their conversation and company just gave me that aha! moment that I asked for the day before. Are you getting it yet?

Always be open and aware of your environment and what's going on around you. It could be a gut feeling, a book you pick up, something a friend says, or someone you cross paths with in the check out line. I met someone like that in the money mart a few years ago. I was there sending a check over seas and the girl didn't know what she was doing. She was transferred there for the day and was really flustered about it. When it was my turn, we got talking, and it turned out that we knew some of the same people, and she gave me the name of a lady that offered a service that I was looking for but had no idea where to look for it, and I gave her the number of my healing friend that she lost and couldn't find. At the end we both laughed and realized why we were at that place that day. So cool! When we ask for answers, we have to be willing to receive them. Be flexible, maybe this is another door that is opening and we are just a little afraid. Take a few steps in the new direction and see what happens. When things sometimes seem to come to a dead end, maybe we need to take a break, change our thinking, or use that time for research or be open to another door that might open.
Always be aware and in the moment. Get rid of your useless background mind chatter, and seize the moment. When we ask, we will always receive. Just make sure you don't miss the messenger!!! Have faith, and keep an open mind!!

Being in the moment and gratitude

2011-06-21T10:36:00.000-07:00

      Lately I've been a bit stressed because there have been some changes going on in my life. Last month I have lost my best friend, my shifts at work aren't what I want them to be, and my relationship with my boyfriend has changed into something that will benefit both of us in our journey to happiness, but feels scary and uncomfortable. There has been so many shifts and changes with myself that I find I need to take time and be kind to myself so I can adjust.

   I'm kind of a funny gal, and being a Libra on the Virgo cusp always makes life (and the way that I handle it) very interesting, and somewhat entertaining for those who are close to me. First of all, like most people, I like to know what's going to happen with my future, I tend to want to control things in the present because I would like them to turn out a certain way. WHY do we do this? Are we the all knowing magical wand of outcomes that always knows what's best for us and everyone else? Do you find yourself in the same situation, repeating the same stuff, just in a different circumstance with different players? I think that we all unconsciously do this in some degree. I also like to distract myself with the glittery things in life like shopping and social engagements. You ladies know...lol!

   When I was going through a tremendous change in my life (willingly manifested on my part but not realizing what I really asked for) I knew that I had to lose the old to get to the new. For example, I had to leave my emotionally void, enabling, unhealthy relationship, lose some material things acquired with that relationship, and subconsciously change my way of thinking about myself and others to attract the awesome new things that I wanted. This at first seemed great..a big sigh of relief, but then it started..I was compelled to get things done, get it signed, make things work out my way. I rushed to get things signed, split things up, and design my comfortable little divorcee world. Not what happened!

   When I look back at my whirlwind of change during those 3 years, I am so thankful that I always ask for God to guide my path, for him to light the way, and give me the strength to follow his way (which is always best) and to give me insight to see what I need to change. When I put my faith in god and his guiding hands, it was scary because nothing ever worked out the way I thought it should. At the time when the father of my children kept disapearing, I was angry, hurt, very overwhelmed and stressed, and depressed but pumped too full of adrenaline to feel it. I wanted him to sign divorce papers before he totally flew the cuckoos nest and get things final. During this time he would come back and forth to spiratically see the kids and give me his non-realistic solutions for our divorce but doing absolutely nothing to back anything up. He would tell me stories of my friends wanting to meet up with him for a coffee and a bashing session, and then blame me for all his problems in life and his bad choices. I was so angry and frustrated that he kept dodging his legal responsibilities, and at the people who I thought were my friends, I couldn't see what was going on in the background which of course, was the right thing to benefit me and my children. At that time, I was still trying to grasp, and actually practice letting go and letting God, and trying through all the chaos, and loss.

     One thing my dad kept telling me was "be patient, time fixes all things...time will take care of your situation and things will work out better. We can't always see what is best, but with time, all is relieved." I always kept that in mind, and he was right. When he disappeared for good and my current divorce papers were now void, it was the best thing that could have happened. Those people that wanted to cause trouble and make my life difficult did me the biggest favor ever. He went away and shirked his responsibilities because he wanted to get even with me after talking to these people. In turn, I received full custody of my children and control of the visitation. I am living a life debt free with no financial obligations, and I am living in a bigger house, a nicer neighborhood, and my children go to a better school, have better friends, and they are stable and happy and have regained their sense of self through the pain and loss of the divorce of their parents.

     Through times of change and loss, the pain sometimes seems unbearable, and we fear what will happen next. One of my biggest mistakes was not focusing on the present moment enough, and having faith that this is happening for my greatest good (even though I didn't always see it). I clung on to the familiar and was scared to let go. This ultimately didn't stop my journey to wholeness, but made it a bit more difficult. Actually a lot!

   There are some wonderful people that helped me evolve and shift through my transition and I am so grateful for them. They are angels here on earth and are dedicated to helping others and teaching the art of love and healing. They have taught me about being my true self and how be genuinely happy no matter what happens in life. I have acquired the skills of inner strength and insight, along with being comfortable with myself and others truths and purpose in my life. All the personal work I have done in the past has all fit together, giving me a whole different perspective of life and how to live to our full potential.

     Of course one thing that I am still trying to do regularly is to stop, and just be in the moment, and have tremendous gratitude for my place, right now, at this time. Doing this helps us take a reality check on our present situation and to remember that we are ok, and are in this moment for a reason. It also helps us to step back and make good decisions based on our present moment instead of making them because of a past hurt, or a future fear or "what if". I have posted a link to Deepak Chopra's meditation on gratitude. No matter where we are in life and what we have, or think we don't have, we always need to be thankful in order to get more of what we are thankful for.

   As long as we have faith, do our best, and come from a place of integrity and truth, things will always work out the way they're supposed to. So hold on tight through the yucky bumpy patches, there is always a light that you will reach at the end of the tunnel.....then you'll have the fun of discovering the next tunnel!!

Gratitude meditation

Being in the moment-article by OpenCentre

Forgiveness....

2011-06-19T17:53:00.000-07:00

     This is a topic that has been brought to my attention lately. It seems that people are so quick to become offended, find fault, and then carry around other's shortcomings with them. Then they want to share their personal grievance with others which in turn skews others view on that person, even if they didn't have a problem with them in the first place.

     Something that I have learned, and to practice it is not easy, is forgiveness. It doesn't mean that you agree with or condone others behaviour, or that you continue to put yourself in harms way to spare others feelings. Forgiveness is about letting go, taking your power back, and freeing yourself emotionally. It's about accepting where that person is at and letting go of resentment. When we put time and effort towards a negative event or wrong that someone has done to us, it takes away that time and energy that we can be focused on ourselves or something more constructive. We end up giving our power away to that person, when they aren't even around, and probably not caring, or sometimes not even realizing what they have done.

     As we become more aware of ourselves and our path on this planet, we always ask for guidance and help for the things that we are trying to achieve in life, whether its materially, emotionally, socially..you get it. Situations are always put in our way for us to learn about ourselves and others. Sometimes that comes in not so comfortable situations, and confrontations with others. Let me give the example of someone who really drives you nuts. They are smiley and happy, and always see everything with a sprinkling of glitter. If you find that that is rubbing you the wrong way, usually what bothers us about someone else, is something that reflects something in our life or about us that we dont' like, or don't want to acknowledge. Really think about it. Maybe we need to be more positive ourselves, or their way too happy relationship reminds us that ours is not and we need to do some soul searching ourselves.

     Changing our perception of people and why people do things will help us to be more understanding, and leave the onus on them to be responsible for their behaviour. When we have someone rant in our face, or behind our back about how they don't like what we're wearing or we're too skinny or fat, or that we are too prudish or loose, this really tells us about themselves. Maybe they're unhappy with their relationship or sex life so putting yours down makes them feel better. If they call you loose, maybe they subconsciously wish that they were a little more liberal. Maybe that perfect little family bugs you because yours is in need of some repair.

     People point fingers at others because it's easier to blame someone else than to be real and take responsibility for your own stuff. Everyone does it, whether you want to consciously want to admit it or not.

      The trouble with this is that it makes life so much harder. If you are constantly blaming others, distracting yourself with others faults, or playing the victim game , it wastes a lot of brain space, and you just keep feeling miserable or victimized. When we let go of resentment, and forgive someone, we take our power back, and put the responsibility where it should be. Sometimes these incidences come as a message to us. We always need to step back, resolve conflict or misunderstandings if possible, and let things go. Look at the underlying message that is being presented to us. If we are constantly being picked on, maybe this is a message that we need to have better boundaries and better self worth. People will only treat us as badly, and as good as we allow them. Maybe it's teaching us to have more empathy for others, since we all have bad days and are striking out because of our own pain. Responding with words of kindness is maybe all that person needs to turn their day, or situation around. Always remember that what we focus our attention and intent on, is what we in turn manifest to ourselves. Be patient and kind, for we are all imperfect, and at different places in our journey here.

Release the negative-full moon ritual

2011-06-15T17:12:00.000-07:00

      I am so excited to do my first full moon ritual tonight! I am always setting the stage to create and evolve my life, so when I discovered the impact the moon has on personal change and evolution, I was open to try it. Plus it helps me be more disciplined and consistent with my goal setting, and personal growth.

     The full moon ritual is for releasing or purging the things in our lives that no longer serve us such as addictions to food, drugs, or sex, relinquishing suffering involved in hurtful relationships, discharging physical and emotional pains, etc.

   With the new moon we set goals and wrote down what we wanted brought into our life. Always keep an open mind and don't put limits on yourself. Depending on what we wrote, we might have to release or change some of the circumstances in our present life to get there. For instance, if we wrote down a trip that we would love to take, we might have to get our compulsive spending under control, or take a budget keeping seminar, or maybe we have to let go, and stop being a tight wad. Or if we want a great boyfriend, we need to let go of patterns, behaviors, and negative beliefs that keep attracting dirt bags our way. Whatever our goals are, there's a process to get there, and usually it involves removing the old, and bringing in the new.

   The hardest thing to do is to really get real with ourselves. No one likes to admit when they are wrong, let alone look at our ugly things we do. We always have to remember that our present situation is a result of our past choices. Taking responsibility for ourselves and not blaming others is the first step in changing anything in our live. We really need to look at the things that keep happening in our lives and realize that we need to seize this opportunity to really look at our reality and inner truth. Do we keep spending money because we are unhappy with ourselves or our marriage. When we decide to take a good look at ourselves, we see that the things that we need to change are a symptom of something deeper inside yourself. Do we spend money to fill the hole of emptiness that our unhappy marriage creates? Going deeper we ask why are we in an unhappy marriage? Are we afraid of losing our material things, status, we don't want to go through the change because it is scary and we're allowing fear to control us? We stuff all this down with things we buy, and are temporarily distracted by our new things, but we are still unhappy, and now broke also!

   When it comes to relationships, we find we are attracting the same kind of guy, over and over again, sometimes letting the same one back again even though we know it's not in our best interest, but for some reason you just keep finding yourself in that same predicament. We realize that this is no accident. We are attracting these type of men because on another level we subconsciously believe we can only get or deserve that. When we look deeper at our belief system and our outward manifestation of it, we can begin to make changes. Maybe we need to learn about how to acquire better self esteem? Do we need to attend a co-dependency program or group if we keep attracting people we need to rescue from chemical or physical abuse? Are we negative and unhappy and find that we attract the same, which in turn makes us more miserable?

   When we sit tonight, write on a piece of paper that things we need to cleanse from ourselves. Be real and honest with yourself. Share with a friend, or just reflect if too personal. Some common issues are food, impulse control, bad relationship, self discipline, money management, isolation, depression, weight loss...the list goes on.

   Always remember, you are never alone. There is always love and support from others who have championed the same issue, or are going through change themselves. It is always very exciting for me to see people evolve and grow. We need to love and support each other as we strive to achieve our best life. Becoming our true self is something to celebrate, through all the twists and turns.
Applied knowledge gives us power...to live our best life!!

     When we chose to give up something in our life, we need to replace it with something positive and healthy. this takes self awareness, and an open mind to new ways of thinking, living, and interacting with others. Be kind to yourself and give yourself leeway for mistakes and of course challenges will pop up to give you the opportunity to practice your new skills, and show yourself that you are worth all the good things that you want in life.

MY INNER GODDESS

Full moon ritual from About.com

Great Sex.....fantasy or reality?

2011-06-08T12:22:00.000-07:00

     Today I had the most stimulating conversation with a good friend of mine. Of course it was about sex! Us women are so complicated when it comes to sex. Between the hormones and the house work, who has time for it, who wants to put the work into it, and it just isn't what it used to be!

     Let's first step back and listen to our inner dialogue about sex...and about ourselves. Get real now, what is your attitude about sex? How do you feel about yourself as a woman? Do you tell yourself that your fat, that sex is unsatisfying for you so why bother, you're tired? How about we get more real with ourself and ask how we really feel about our relationship. Maybe the spark has fizzled out, maybe your man just isn't doing it for you anymore...boredom, the same old routine. Maybe you feel your partner is selfish and it's all about him. Maybe you are in an unhealthy or abusive situation, and need to make a decision about

how you deserve to be treated?

     Ladies...because we are wonderful emotional creatures, we need to be mentally turned on, and content emotionally to be and feel sexy. We need to really look at the real reasons why we don't feel sexy and satisfied with our sex life.

     Maybe we need a change, and that change begins with ourselves. Do we have hang ups when it comes to the bedroom? Do we need to open our minds up more and relax, maybe we need to stop worrying, and clear our minds of unnecessary mental clutter. Are we making excuses so we don't have to take responsibility for our own sexuality? Are we giggling running to the local naughty store to expand our horizons or do we cringe at the thought?

     When we take responsibility for ourselves, it's empowering. When we get honest with our hang ups and why we have them, it opens the door for inner healing, which makes us feel more at peace with ourselves and others. Breaking down the walls of oppression starts with ourselves. Taking the time to find out why we aren't enjoying our sexuality to the fullest is well worth it
.
When we let go of the shame that society and others have put on us, we give ourself the oportunity to become the best person we can be. Healing the chains of sexual, emotional and physical abuse, whether these events occured as a child, or you are still repeating the patterns today, will free you to really see yourself as the beautiful woman you truly are.

     Throughout my life, I have overcome many issues that have robbed me of my self esteem, individuality, and confidence. One thing that I love about myself is my determination, open mindedness and sence of humour. I have learned to love myself unconditionally, and no matter what anyone says or does to you, you have the choice to let that affect you in a negative or positive way. I have learned that bad things that happen in our lives are stepping stones for knowlege and strength. We need to grasp on to the opportunity to heal our wounds, and in turn, help others do the same.

     Fear prevents us from change. Whether it's fear of abandonment, judgement, or failure, we need to take that leap that will change our life. We all have the power to heal ourselves, and others. We need to take that step forward to take charge of our life and know we have the power to create the one that will truly make us feel happy and fulfilled.

     When we take time to know ourselves, heal our hurts, and really be true to ourself, we can open up and feel confident, safe, and back to the origional subject...sexy...So be proactive, put on that sexy outfit and hot stillettos, and if your a mom, grab your broom (could be a great prop with the right outfit..lol) and be the sexy, confident woman you already are under all the stress, kids, and whatever stuff you pile up on your plate. Celebrate your power and creativeness, your unique style and taste, and don't be afraid to express it in every way.

     Some books that I have enjoyed on this topic I will list on the amazon widget on my blog page. These are great tools for opening our mind and living our best life. I hope that they will help those the way they have helped me. Always remember that you are at the perfect place, and this is the right time to make your life the one you've always wanted and deserved.

My Inner Goddess...

Welcome to my blog

2011-06-05T17:36:00.000-07:00

We as women are incredible and powerful beings. I have created this personal space to share my inspirations, experiences, and insights that I have learned along my journey here on this planet. By

facing our fears, and accepting our trials and tribulations as stepping stones for success, we evolve

ourselves and become the women we're meant to be. I hope to touch others and help those, through sharing my journey, reach a place of personal power, and liberation from what binds our freedom of spirit.